Becoming a Parisian

So, I figure if I'm going to look the part, I have a lot of work to do!  I am not exactly a fashionista....by any standards.  For example, the other day I decided to break out the makeup and see if I could remember how to apply it in any reasonable manner.  Imagine my disappointment, when I removed the cobwebs and examined the labels only to discover that the NEWEST cosmetic item I own expired sometime in early 2009!!!  YIKES!!!  I suppose if you know me that wouldn't really be a surprise.  In fact I think at least one person I know was surprised to discover I even owned any (expired or otherwise).  Nonetheless, that brings me to a very important question.......what gives with the whole makeup expiration thing????  As if it weren't already an expensive and rediculous custom!!  After realizing that my most recent cosmetic purchase (I think it was circa 2008) was expired (because there was an EXP 02/09 label on it), I decided to check into the guidelines on makeup expiration to satisfy my curiosity about the items I owned that did NOT have an explicit expiration date.  WOW!  Do you ladies out there REALLY discard your mascara after 30-45 days???!!!!!   Do people actually replace their foundation every 6-8 months???!!!    Am I the only not-quite-middle-aged-mother-of-two on the planet that still has loose powder they used in highschool??!!!

I mean seriously, if I applied makeup EVERY day, I bet a good tube of mascara could last at LEAST a year.  Mary Kay is VERY generous with their loose powder, so I seriously doubt I could use up a whole container of that stuff in any less than a DECADE!   What a waste.  Are the landfills of the world really that full of partially used cosmetics, or am I just not caking it on like I ought to be???

OK OK, now that I've finished with my rant.......I DID purchase new cosmetics.  If you know me well enough, you also know that I am a BIT of a germ-o-phobe.  If I really CAN loose my eyes to gangrene for keeping my mascara any longer than the recommended 6 weeks, you know I will be faithfully discarding the tube I bought as soon as I return from the land of fashion (which coincidentally is about 6 weeks from now).   Likely, since I am cheap and haven't even paid for a haircut in 2 years, I wont be replacing any of this stuff after I discard it.  Who developed these guidelines any ways.....by chance it wasn't the COSMETIC INDUSTRY who sells this stuff for an absurd price in the first place???

I must apply it well enough, because Mr. Mom has decided he REALLY REALLY likes me with makeup.  This is strange to me considering he has been an avid fan of the "natural look" for the entire 12 years I have known him.  Good thing for me, cause it may actually have been that long since I put the stuff on!  After having worn it for a sum total of 3 days last week, I decided to take a break this weekend.....and suddenly I look "tired" and I should have put on some of that eye stuff?  HAHA.  Does this mean that I will have crossed some kind of point of no return if I decide to go forward with my measly attempt at "blending in?"  Is there any chance I could convince the ladies of the fashion world that the "natural look" is the NEXT BEST FAD??!!

In either case, we documented my adventures in wearing makeup......so I will some day have proof that I actually DID put some effort into my appearance at some point in my life :)